I had a heart to heart with God the other night. Even though I love my savior, I was being not as close to my divine support as I needed to be. Why? I was having a human encounter like many of us do. Some people stand on their truth that they would never question God. Well, I was always a child with many questions… with my own natural parents. The same applies to my relationship with God.
Recently, I found myself in a bout of depression due to the fact that I did not understand how God was doing some things in my life. I had my issues and I had distanced myself from God because I was “confused”. But think about it. Most confusion is resolved with communication. This is true, even with God. So after I got down crying, pouting and not going to church… I took time to pray.
I was thinking in my human mind that God did not want to talk to me. I mean, how could I gather the nerve to say anything since I had been feeling the way I was feeling? Granted, my heart and thoughts are exposed at the core with Yahweh, so whatever I was going to pray already knew what it was. I got up the nerve to finally have a conversation with God.
When I closed my eyes and stripped myself of the natural anxiety and stress that came with life… it was like talking to a father. I was honest with him. I was hurt or at least that is what the enemy was making me believe. Satan was constantly at it! “God don’t love you!” or “You’ve done too much to get what you are asking for!” I’ll be honest, I actually listened to his argument for a while. I hadn’t noticed the effect it was having on my mind, spirit and character. Those close to me could tell that I was slowly gravitating to a dark place and I could not see it until it was dangerously too close to the other side.
After I got done crying, worshipping and restoring my relationship with God, I discovered that I had fallen victim to the scheme and strategy of Satan to pull me away from my destiny. I had to gather enough strength to realize life is not about my will but Yahweh’s. I was in God’s care and my life was still protected because I am a child of the Most High. I reclaimed my rightful place and after reading the scriptures, it confirmed the fact that, when I look at my Father I can be radiant with joy. Why? I am no longer walking in shame because I am covered! (Psalm 34:5)
To recover fully from the schematic attack I also had to refocus and understand that I have to live by the Spirit, not my own desires and my flesh. I was walking my own way and doing my own thing in foolish pride. I am a new person recovering from that damaging scar because I choose to… “keep in step with the Spirit” while it leads the way (Galatians 5:25)! Amen. Praise God for restoration!